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Dear Moms of WABT,
I love the month of February and not just because its my birthday month! It feels cozy and warm and loving and I dig all the Valentine’s Day hearts and décor. February reminds me as a mom to also take care of me. Love me. Engage in self-care. Be kind to myself. Historically in WABT, each Feb we would focus on SELF-CARE. We used to hold in-person “Preventing Compassion Fatigue” workshops and have a beautiful panel of speakers. We would talk about self-care as a weapon to prevent burnout. I have a new idea for February…
As I continue to recover from perfectionism--I call this recovery a gift from raising Ryan—I am on a mission to help free others. From the shoulds. From the destructive thoughts, whether conscious or unconscious, that go like this: I am a good mother if/when/because… From so much self-judgment. But something has hit me recently, as I continue to work on myself: Self-compassion precedes self-care. “Having self-compassion means being able to relate to yourself in a way that’s forgiving, accepting, and loving when situations might be less than optimal.” And I would like to add to this quote: And self-compassion is being kind to ourselves when WE are acting or feeling less than optimal. If I could tell my Younger Jessica something powerful and life-altering, I’d say practice self-compassion. I have been told my whole life that I am so hard on myself. I carry way too high expectations on myself and unfortunately, my family. Or I have in the past. I can’t change the past, but I can change the way I speak to myself NOW, and in the future. Motherhood is HARD no matter what. It is exponentially harder when our kids have high, unique, or complex needs. We place a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform at a certain level as caregivers; and we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to NOT get emotional, because we have been indoctrinated culturally that painful emotions are to be pushed away. All of this leads to beating ourselves up inside. What if we flipped this on its head? Spoke kindly to ourselves in the midst of chronic chaos? I think we would actually have MORE ENERGY, more wise-mind perspective, and actually more joy! Do it with me? I thought my word for 2022 was going to be HOPE. Yet, I switched it to SELF-COMPASSION. Self-compassion is self-care. It is caring for oneself as you would a best friend. And it is FREE!! It just feels a little dorky-weird in the beginning to practice being so dang nice to ourselves. But we can do this because we can do HARD things. “Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.”― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself “Nurturing your self compassion is anti-oppression work within yourself.” ― Joy Donnell, Beyon Brand: Master Your Power, Joy, and Media To Live Your Legacy “Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.”― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion:The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
This Valentine’s Day and onward, let us learn the language of self-compassion, and we will connect to our worthiness. With love & sisterhood,
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