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$$PLAIN_TEXT_PREVIEW$$
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A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY FOR MOMS OF CHILDREN WITH DISABILITIES AND ALL UNIQUE NEEDS
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Dear Subscriber First Name, Summer is upon us! Are you excited? Are you wincing? Are you making your summer bucket list or crying in the closet with a Whiteclaw? Summer breaks for us mamas can elicit a plethora of feelings or fears. ALL OF IT IS UNDERSTANDABLE. I wish I had the magic formula for you all. And yet each of our stories are so different. Our circumstances are different. Our children are different ages with different needs. Some moms LIVE for summer. Less scheduling. No homework and projects. Trips that are annual traditions. The yearly Bucket List decorated with stickers and markers and glitter. Some moms dread summer. It is harder to juggle work and parenting. There is less respite for parents and siblings. Some feel trapped at home. It is all UNDERSTANDABLE. No judgment here. There is no step 1, step 2, step 3 and you are off to forever bliss in Summerland. I wish there was. I think the best thing we can do is actually internal. Inside of us. And then it oozes out into family life. Set an intention for this summer. For example, “I am going to roll with the changing schedule and the more togetherness with my kids.” OR:
”I will be open to surprises of joy, peace and laughter this summer.” OR:
“I am going to give myself love and understanding when I feel frustrated or irritated with the increased noise, messes, and demands this summer.” Set it and say it…every day. Another practice I would encourage would be self-compassion. You have heard me talk about this before. That I wished I had really learned about this down to my soul, years ago. (I am still learning.) Think about how much energy you would GIVE yourself if you treated yourself as you would a best friend. And in summer…we need MORE energy. (If you need more info, read Kristin Neff’s book: Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself or this little article: How to Practice Self-Compassion: 8 Techniques and Tips. Go forth and conquer your summer. Slay it! Just kidding. You do not need to accomplish anything. You can have all the feelings and memories and togetherness and pajama days and too much screen time and s’mores. Whatever. It is 10 weeks of your life? You got this. You have been through so MUCH MORE than bored kids or bored adult kids. You are in my heart and prayers. With Love & Sisterhood,
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WHO: Adriana Manfredi
AGE/DIAGNOSIS OF CHILD: Giovanni (Gio) is 17, Autism/ADHD.
FAVORITE SONG: “Feeling Good,” as sung by Nina Simone (Gio will be singing this at his high school graduation June 15!)
FAVORITE FOOD: Homemade pizza (I make the dough using sourdough starter, Gio does the rest with toppings and baking… it’s a team effort!)
FAVORITE QUOTE: We are the music makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams; —
World-losers and world-forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams:
Yet we are the movers and shakers
Of the world for ever, it seems.
- from “Ode,” Arthur O’Shaughnessy
Full poem Ode by Arthur OShaughnessy | Poetry Foundation
(Many know the first lines as I did from Willy Wonka!)
WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO A MOM GRAPPLING WITH A NEW DIAGNOSIS:
I would say to a mom grappling with a new diagnosis - it’s a journey. When my Gio was diagnosed we tried allergy testing, gluten free diet, meds, supplements, so many things, and were just trying to observe what worked. Now, he is on totally different meds, has a different diet, and it’s also a completely different societal frame of mind - the neurodiversity movement has thankfully created an evolving safe space of sorts - when he got his diagnosis autism was something to be “cured” not so much accepted as it is now. Gio is an advocate for himself and others to change people’s perspective on what autism is all about. I imagine all of our kiddos also are advocates for change and acceptance in their own way. Also I would say…. Get connected with your medical team and Harbor Regional Center (or your local Regional Center if you are in CA). There is a stage of life you will most likely be so happy to have them in your corner. We have accessed parenting classes, the legal team, and now as he’s headed into adulthood, there is a whole new phase or resources we are just learning about. Just inviting our caseworker to the IEP has been amazing and can really help. As we go through life, we will observe the thing that keeps our kid happy, regulating emotion/ agency, and living for the moment. For my kid it’s music, his pets, cooking, and even some things as simple as stick fighting and storytelling. Whatever it is - it’s so important to make time and space for what “makes them tick.” Lastly - finding your tribe of mamas who “get it” is so important. That part is also a journey - it ebbs and flows, the points of connection and the loneliness that is sometimes inevitable.
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This is our BIGGEST fundraiser for the year! Last year we brought in $20k and this year we are aiming for $30k!
We are looking for walkers and runners now!
You can be ANYWHERE in the world, and, participate in this race. Here is how it works:
Choose to walk or run (or jog slowly!) a 5k (3.1 miles) or a 10k (6.2 miles) and fundraise for WABT. We will have training schedules for you! Training is from July 16th -- October 15th. We ask that all race team members donate or “get” (from friends & family) a minimum of $250. Race Day is October 15th in Palos Verdes. If you are a “virtual” race team member, than you walk or run in your town by October 15th. (And make sure to send us a picture!) Registration is $40 and includes: Race Tee-Shirt, training schedule, free cheerleading and encouragement, and tools & tips for fundraising! Link to register found on the Race Page of our website here:
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Auckland, New Zealand Support Group *VIRTUAL*
6/22/22 | 7:30 PM NZT RSVP Austin, TX Support Group *IN PERSON*
6/23/22 | 10:00 AM CDT RSVP All Member Support Group with Laurie Magulac *VIRTUAL*
Morning session: 6/28/22 | 11:00 AM PDT RSVP
Evening session: 6/28/22 | 7:00 PM PDT RSVP Shawnee, KS Support Group *IN PERSON*
6/29/22 | 6:00 PM CDT RSVP *NEW!* Sydney, Australia Support Group
7/1/22 | 2:00 PM AEST RSVP My Child’s Mental Health & Me *VIRTUAL*
7/6/22 | 12:00 PM CDT RSVP Orange County Support Group *IN PERSON*
7/9/22 | 2:30 PM PDT RSVP Boss Ladies Raising Kids with Special Needs *VIRTUAL*
7/12/22 | 11:00 AM MST - Phoenix RSVP South Bay Support Group *IN PERSON*
7/15/22 | 7:00 PM PDT RSVP Los Angeles Support Group *VIRTUAL*
7/28/22 | 6:00 PM PDT RSVP
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UPCOMING VIRTUAL RESOURCE GROUPS
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Move With Megan
Tuesdays, 6/21, 6/28, 7/12, 7/19 at 9:00 AM PDT RSVP Financial Planning for the Special Needs Family
Saturdays, 6/18, 9/17, 12/17 at 2:00 PM PDT RSVP IEP Collaboration and Communication Strategies
3/15, 5/17, 9/13, 12/6 | 12:00 - 1:00 PM PDT RSVP *NEW!* Sex Education for Parents and Caregivers
9/15 & 9/22 | 11:00 AM PDT/1:00 PM CDT RSVP Empowering Parents with Transition Planning and Adult Preparedness
Tuesday 9/20 | 6:00 PM PDT RSVP Managing Our Own Distress: DBT Skills for Parents
Tuesdays, 9/13-10/18 | 5:30 PM PDT RSVP
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Naples Retreat Registration
July 21 at 9:00am Pacific Time
Look for detailed emails to come!
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Summer Survival Skills - Mapping and Tracking As we are heading into summer break for our children, I thought I’d share some of the summer survival skills that I’ve been sharing for the past 12 years. (I’ll also share a link at the bottom for some play-sheets in case you’d like to print and play with these.) Every year at the beginning of summer break, I sit down with my son and we have a brainstorming session around summer needs, wants, expectations, activities, etc. so that we are all on the same page. While we typically do this at our home, it is something that could be done at a coffee shop, a favorite restaurant or eating a cool treat to make it a bit more fun. This also doesn’t have to be anything fancy or take a long time to do AND what I have experienced time and again personally, and from many of my clients, is that this little bit of time spent using survival skills of “mapping” and “tracking” helps to make things flow much easier and reduces battles or frustration around expectations that were not made known. Mapping Mapping skills help people to get their bearings in order to know where they are going and using mapping skills as a parent to a child who is on his own developmental timeline has been incredibly helpful. I like to consider and map out... my needs and the needs of my family and home (errands, chores, work time, time to myself) my wants and the wants of my family (outings, time for relaxation, fun, enrichment, etc.) what I know about myself - my personality, my natural energy flow during the day, what I know about my child - their personality, their natural energy flow during the day
Example: Needs: grocery shopping (or ordering for delivery), house cleaning/tidying, laundry, time blocked off for coaching clients, quiet time, walking dogs, mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law over for dinner Friday and Sunday, Wants: relaxing time in afternoon and evening with family, fun themed dinner one weekend night, fun activity outside of the house for my son (swimming at community pool, High Five bowling, Urban Air, "Grandma Fun Day" What I know about myself and my energy flow - I do best with routines and when things are written out so I can refer back to them. I am a homebody so staying home is not a big deal for me. For more tedious tasks, I like to pair them with things I find enjoyable like listening to a podcast while putting laundry away or watching a cooking competition show while prepping for dinner. I have the most energy in the morning until noon so that is an ideal time for me to do chores, walk the dogs and do client sessions. From noon until about 4:00 it is low energy so I usually have some quiet time, answer emails and then do an activity with my son, usually swimming. From 4:00 until 7:30 my energy increases again so that is when I prepare for and make dinner, put laundry away, get anything needed ready for the next day, etc. What I know about my child - He likes to sleep in until about 9-9:30. He likes routine and likes to know the exact time of when he is doing something. He loves going places and seeing people who aren't mom and dad. He loves to write stories about his Paw Patrol buddies, swim and also needs time to shower before eating dinner.
Creating a greater awareness around this all and mapping out your day, week or even month, can help you to meet the needs and wants from above. Additional children require a bit more mapping but it will help you to not feel so overwhelmed when implementing the wants and needs of everyone. Using structure in the form of making a loose schedule for yourself and your kids actually helps to create time for the unstructured. Having some structure is beneficial for most kids who usually tend to like to know where they are going and a general sense of what they are going to be doing. It can be as basic or as detailed as you and/or your children need. As you are mapping, don’t forget rest or quiet time! The one thing most parents feel is exhaustion and I know that even having a small amount of time to oneself can help recharge your energy reserve so be sure to include this in your daily routine or schedule. Oh and it’s not necessarily nap time! Kids don’t have to nap, you don’t have to nap, it’s just an opportunity for everyone to go to their rooms or find a space to do something quietly. You can encourage them or support them in creating a bin or box of things they can do during rest time - books, blocks, or anything they can do independently (ex. my son loved looking through toy catalogs). If you want, this could be a time for electronics. I’ve allowed this because I really needed 30 minutes to myself or my patience was going to be non-existent! Start small if necessary. At first, my son would watch a show on my bed while I closed my eyes. If you haven’t been giving yourself time, even five minutes to sit and do nothing can do wonders!! **If your older child balks at this and complains of being bored, let them be bored. Boredom is often what ignites the curious brain. This might bring up thoughts for you as they whine or complain or tell you all sorts of things to try and engage you in feeling guilty. If you need coaching around this, let me know!! More to come next month on another Summer Survival Skill - Tracking... but in the meantime, I encourage you to play with this and see if it brings greater ease and joy to your life this summer. Summer Survival Skills Margaret Webb
margaretwebblifecoach.com
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Samantha Rosas defies expectations : Class of 2022 Personality Spotlight
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Podcast: Why are America Teenagers So Sad & Anxious? Plain English with Derek Thompson
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