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October Parenting Tip - What am I making it/this mean? If you have read my past parenting tips, you will know that I LOVE asking myself questions! This is because it puts my thinking mind to work in a way that is more helpful than gathering evidence to support negative or painful thoughts. This brings me to this month’s parenting tip and it is asking the question, “What am I making it/this mean?” This one question has given me so much information when I notice that I am in my head thinking about something that is creating tension in my life. If I'm able to recognize when this is happening, I can get curious to see all that I'm making something mean just from my own thoughts!! A parent at my child's school could have innocently made a comment such as, “Oh! You should sign X up to do Y because Z.” and all of a sudden, I am spinning around in thoughts that usually aren’t true. "What am I making it mean?" I am making it mean: Things like this are so common among parents (and in relationships) and it usually creates defensiveness, self-judgment and feelings of urgency. This question can be a stick in the wheel of those thoughts and from there, you can shift into a different, more positively focused perspective which brings me to more questions... "What actually matters in this moment?" and "What do I know to be true?" Being kind and loving with yourself is so important here because there is a part of us that may believe these thoughts AND when you zoom out and really question their truth, you can see that they aren’t true at all. Comparing yourself to others is never a good use of time, energy or attention because every child is different, every family is different and every situation is different. So what matters to one person might not matter to another. If you notice that you are in your head thinking about something, get curious about what you are making it mean and then flip those thoughts around and use those additional questions to find evidence to contradict those unhelpful stories. What actually matters? Utilizing what you know about your child and your family. What do you know to be true? Think of all that you’ve done throughout the years to support your family. Remember that you have no idea what the future holds for your child and that it is more helpful to acknowledge that they are on their own developmental timeline and that’s okay! We all are! Celebrate what they have been able to do that perhaps you didn’t think was possible. Putting your time, energy and attention into those questions can shift you from beating yourself up to feeling a sense of love, empowerment and pride. If after you’ve gotten curious about what you are making something mean and feel pulled towards doing something about it, you’ll feel greater clarity around why you are doing it. Play with this and experience the difference that this can have on your daily life. Any questions, margaretwebblifecoach@gmail.com. Margaret Webb
www.margaretwebblifecoach.com
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