Silencing The Critics
written by Susie Turrey
“They’re too much!”
“His parents should have taught him that long ago!”
“Did you see their child?”|
“Why are they acting like that?”
“That’s not acceptable behavior in public.”
“If only they…”
All the things critics say.
It takes a toll on both the parent/caregiver and the individual with the disability.
As caregivers, we hear it. And it brings anxiety, worry, shame, doubt, and isolation.
What we really want is to just be okay with what is. We want to feel calm, accepting, confident, and connected. Maybe even get a little help without judgement.
As a parent of an adult child, I can tell you he hears these words too. And it gives him anxiety, worry, shame, doubt, and isolation.
All this leads to… nothing productive. It just hurts.
Have you ever felt judged like this?
Today for some reason, I want to shout from the rooftop that KINDNESS MATTERS! (Yes, I am quoting a bumper sticker.) Because sometimes kindness is the only thing that keeps us sane.
Honestly, no one needs to understand my madness. No one but us. Even if we don’t completely understand ourselves.
If you are wondering why I am writing this blog in this emotionally absurd way, it’s because today I am tired of the critics. Not just for me. I want support for the caregivers and our loved ones. I want you to know that you are seen. You are not alone. You are doing a good job. We, our community, are doing a good job. And damn it, so are our children! No matter their age.
Period.
AND I want to say that if you or your loved one ever needs help, please reach out to a friend, a support group or a therapist. Whatever works for you. This life stuff, it isn’t easy. And yes, the critics do manage to mess with our heads. But we don’t have to face it alone.
Susie Turrey is a mom, wife, advocate, and community organizer in Arizona. She cares for her adult son, who has an autism diagnosis, and is a contributing author in the upcoming Suddenly Brave Together book.
